For Parents

After your child has chosen a college, consider planning another visit to the school to talk with advisors, RAs, student counseling and other resources about their services and availability.

• Transition Support – Many schools offer programs during orientation and freshmen year to help students acclimate to college and support them during the emotional transition. Find out what programs prospective schools offer to help students thrive on campus.
• Residential Life— Resident Assistants (RAs) are often a source of support and advice during your first year at school. Find out more about who they are, how they were trained and how they will support you.
• Counseling — Should you need help, find out what resources are available to help with stress management or problems like depression. Does the school provide psychological counseling or support groups? What are the student/provider ratios and counseling center hours? Does the center deal primarily with day-to-day college stressors like time management, relationship issues or sleep difficulties, or is it resourced to address more serious concerns including anxiety, ADHD, depression and substance abuse?

Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, written by Helen E. Johnson & Christine Schelhas-Miller

When children leave for college, many parents feel uncertain about their shifting roles. By emphasizing the importance of being a mentor to your college student, this book shows parents how to influence their college student while still supporting their independence.

Empty Nest…Full Heart: the Journey from Home to College, written by Andrea Van Steenhouse

The author chronicles the tumultuous journey from the senior year of high school, through the challenging summer, to the first year of college for students.

Let the Journey Begin: A Parent’s Monthly Guide to the College Experience, written by Jacqueline MacKay & Wanda Ingram

As you and your first-year college student begin the school year, many questions may arise. This resource will be one opportunity to learn how to get answers to your questions.

Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years, written by Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Lawrence Treeger

This book leads parents through the period of transition that their student experiences between the junior year of high school and college graduation. The authors explain how to distinguish normal development stages from problems that may require parental or professional intervention.

When Kids Go to College: A Parents Guide to Changing Relationships, written by Barbara M. Newman & Philip Newman

This practical guide will answer that important question and tell you how to make the most of the college years.

You’re On Your Own (but I’m here if you need me), Marjorie Savage, Fireside Books

Sections of this page are adapted from similar information provided by Loyola College in Maryland, University of Michigan, Indiana University of Pennsylvania, Central Michigan University and University of Florida.

College can be a stressful time for students as they transition into a new level of daily responsibility for their lives. They can get overwhelmed having to schedule time for classes, homework, and domestic chores, learning to live with a roommate, managing finances, dealing with people from different cultures and viewpoints, and building friendships and romantic relationships. With no one looking over their shoulder or reminding them of what they “ought or ought not” do, students may experience a new found freedom and relief on one hand, and be overwhelmed with a feeling of unorganized chaos on the other. Many are confronted with stress and some have moments wondering if they can handle it. This is normal!

As a supportive parent, you can provide the steadiness they need by listening to their concerns while encouraging them to work through their own problems. You can help them sort through their thoughts and emotions so they can make good decisions. Be an advisor, (when they ask) but respect their new decision making responsibilities. As a parent, sometimes this is difficult. You are highly invested in this endeavor! You may worry that if you don’t handle whatever is going on, no one will. Actually, it is often the case that when parents step back, the student will begin to assume more responsibility. Until such time, it is easy for them to ignore problems, knowing that you’re doing the worrying for them.

Write your student cards and letters. Send packages. They love it. Be okay with it if they don’t write back. The first few months are especially busy for students as they are making new friends and adjusting to the rigorous demands that college places on them. Your student will certainly be happy to get a letter in his or her mailbox catching him up on what’s going on at home and letting him/her know they’re missed.

The first few visits home can be challenging for parents and students alike. While your student has been immersed in a completely new culture, other family members have continued to live in their established style, with the same rules and expectations. Don’t be surprised about “curfew confusion.” This is often a source of struggle for families. They have been living away from home with no assigned time to return at night. While each family situation is different, don’t let a battle ensue that ruins the visit. Instead, talk openly and honestly with your student to arrive at an understanding and compromise that honors everyone. When students understand your worry and inability to sleep when they remain out late, they most often will respect your reasonable requests. Establish a game plan together!

Academics and expectations in college are quite different from high school. Many straight A and talented students now find themselves in a pool of people who are also high achievers. Encourage them not to compare themselves with others, but to be the very best that they can be. If grades slip a little first semester, remind your student that the campus has many resources available to and designed intentionally for them to use. They are not alone. The members of the university team want them to succeed.

What about confidentiality?

Counseling often involves the disclosure of sensitive personal information. Any information a student shares with the Counseling Center staff is protected by professional ethics and state law. As such, information about the counseling a student receives is not released, except upon a student’s written permission, in circumstances which would result in clear danger to the student or others, or as may be required by law.

It is understandable that you may wish to be involved when your student seeks counseling, but the confidentiality issues described above do not permit such involvement without the consent of the student. Often, the best source of information for parents about the counseling process is the student. Beyond that, if more information is desired, the student must sign a written release specifically permitting us to communicate with you. While it is not legal or ethical for the Counseling Center to provide parents with information that a student reveals in counseling, parents are welcome to call our office at 540-665-4530 and provide us with feedback or share your concerns about your student.